Tuesday, 4 May 2010

I still hope this is a hoax!

This is so outgrossing that it defies belief. The report below is from the British rag "Sun". At least they are non-politically correct enough to call the sort of encounter described a "bizarre relationship". It's not quite as good as "swinish self-indulgence", but we can be grateful for small mercies. In the American media they'd probably call it "heartwarming" and "romance":
A 72-YEAR-OLD granny* is having an incestuous affair* with her own GRANDSON — and the pair are set to have a BABY*, according to reports.

Grey-haired Pearl Carter has allegedly began a bizarre relationship with her 26-year-old grandchild Phil Bailey.

Pearl, from Indiana, is now using her pension to pay $54,000 (£35,000) to a surrogate mother so they can have a child, say reports in New Idea magazine in New Zealand. That's wonderful! I wonder what has been her profession.

Pearl said: "I'm not interested in anyone else's opinion. Well, that's obvious. I am in love with Phil and he's in love with me. Soon I'll be holding my son or daughter in my arms* and Phil will be the proud dad*."


Phil is the son of Pearl's daughter Lynette Bailey — who the pensioner* put up for adoption when she was just 18, the magazine reported.

When Lynette died, Phil tracked down his long lost gran* — 46 years his senior — and they started their strange relationship*.

Pearl told New Idea: "From the first moment that I saw him, I knew we would never have a grandmother-grandson relationship. Gack! For the first time in years I felt sexually alive." And, of course, that's what matters.

The pair spent their first week together shopping, bowling and eating out. SO classy! And she remained continent for an entire week. Fancy that!

Pearl said: "I called Phil into my bedroom, sat him on the bed, and then I leant over and kissed him. Of course, the old bag started it.

"I expected rejection but instead he kissed me back." Maybe he has a penchant for "making love" to oversized leather bags.

Phil told the magazine he had the same feelings towards Pearl. What a poor, lost soul!

He revealed: "I wanted to kiss her there and then. My feelings were overwhelming. Vomit!

"I love Pearl with all my heart. I've always been a pervert and attracted to saggy old leather bags older women and I think Pearl is gorgeous*. Yuck! Now I'm going to be a dad* and I can't wait.

"Yes, we get laughed at and bullied when we go out and kiss in public Which proves that at least some people have not yet lost all their standards! but we don't care. Obviously not. You can't help who you fall for.*" That is what every sex offender says.

The pair have asked 30-year-old Roxanne Campbell to carry their child*.

Pearl said: "I am finally going to be a mum* and not forced to give up my child. How cute! Phil's going to be a great dad*. I never in a million years thought at 72 I'd be 'pregnant' and in love with* my grandson. Puke!

"I make no apologies and I believe God's given me a second chance." Please God, give me the strength NOT to comment on this. Please God!

Pearl says the relationship is not wrong after a friend told her about Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA) syndrome This sort of science will excuse anything, from sodomy to mass murder!, which occurs when close relatives meet as adults and find they are attracted to each other*.

She said: "I could now understand my feelings and realise they weren't wrong." Yeah, right!

Pearl was 18 when she fell pregnant with daughter Lynette. She was living with her Catholic parents Hey, was the pope's fault! And did he ever apologise for it? in Indiana and they insisted she give the baby away. They probably knew why.

They organised a private adoption and Pearl never saw her baby girl* again.

[blah yabber yack]

*Lower middleclass cute-ism alarm
SHOULD this been true, and I still hope it isn't, it ought to remove the last doubt that a society that lets women run loose is bound to perish. What I find encouraging, though, is the vast majority of scathing remarks in the comment sections, interspersed with a few "blah consenting adults Yabber Yack" ones.